So, we have been trying to get pregnant again. I was pregnant last fall but had a miscarriage. We did not succeed in getting pregnant on our own, so now we are back to the Infertility Clinic. We tried IUI (affectionately known as the "Turkeybaster") with my last cycle and no luck. Now, my bloodwork shows that I have entered into that wonderful stage of a woman's life called perimenapause. This means that my ovaries are starting to shut down, so babies in my future are even more limited than I thought.
An ultrasound showed that we can try IUI again this cycle, and see what happens. Even though my FSH was really high at 25, I still produced one follicle, which may produce one egg, which might meet up with one sperm, thus producing one baby that manages to hang in there for the full term. No wonder they call this a miracle!
What amazes me is that before I got the bloodwork showing that my FSH was so high, I felt like a woman in my 20's. I know I don't look like one, but I still see that young girl in my head. I get this magic number, and all of a sudden I feel old. All of a sudden, I feel middle-aged. Logically, I know that I am not any different that I was before the bloodwork, but....
It's like I pictured my life as always climbing this hill, always moving forward, always working toward something. I knew that at some point, I would reach the top and then would spend the rest of my life sliding back down the other side, enjoying the fruits of my labors. I don't feel like I'm anywhere near the top of my particular hill. However, according to that bloodtest, my body or at least the reproductive part of my body topped the hill and has started the slide down the back half. I'm not ready for that, I don't know if I'd ever be ready for that. However, apparently just like all other women, I don't have any choice in the matter.
Enough complaining! I'm kicking myself in the butt and gonna head to the beach with my family. Have a great 4th of July weekend.
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My heart goes out to you. it is so hard to hear that your womanly parts don't work right. It makes you feel like, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why?" It all sucks. On the bright side, you have a wonderful little guy who is a miracle. A bright shinning star. It just makes him shine brighter in your eyes. :-)
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